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 Post subject: All "You might be a redneck" jokes here...
PostPosted: Wed May 24, 2006 7:00 pm 
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Joined: Fri May 28, 2004 7:38 pm
Posts: 12231
Location: Panhandle
If you get over half, ar eye won?

You know you're a redneck when......
1. You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.
2. You can entertain yourself for more than 15 minutes with a fly swatter.
3. Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.
4. You burn your yard rather than mow it.
5. You think "The Nutcracker" is something you do off the high dive.
6. The Salvation Army declines your furniture.
7.You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it.
8. You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.
9. You come back from the dump with more than you took.
10. You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.
11. Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.
12. Your grandmother has "ammo" on her Christmas list.
13. You keep flea and tick soap in the shower.
14. You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.
15. You go to the stock car races and don't need a program.
16. You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.
17. You have a rag for a gas cap.
18. Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.
19. You wonder how service stations keep their rest-room's so clean.
20. You can spit without opening your mouth.
21. You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it.
22. Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
23. You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say "Cool Whip" on the side.
24. The biggest city you've ever been to is Wal-Mart.
25. Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV.
26. You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.
27. A tornado hits your neighborhood and does $100,000 worth of improvements.
28. You've used a toilet brush to scratch your back.
29. You missed your 5th grade graduation because you were on jury duty.
30. You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65.



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 Post subject: Re: Redneck Criteria:
PostPosted: Wed May 24, 2006 7:14 pm 
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WHEW! I didn't quite qualify for HALF of them, but it was too close for comfort! :wink: :D :D

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Please post For Sale items in the proper Classified section.

Semi-Auto Classifieds is ONLY for Complete Semi-Auto shotguns.
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 Post subject: Re: Redneck Criteria:
PostPosted: Wed May 24, 2006 7:43 pm 
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Joined: Sun Apr 04, 2004 7:14 pm
Posts: 4573
Location: SoCal
12. Your grandmother has "ammo" on her Christmas list

:idea: And what's so wrong with grandma wantin' ammo,huh? {P


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 Post subject: Re: Redneck Criteria:
PostPosted: Wed May 24, 2006 11:04 pm 
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Joined: Tue Sep 20, 2005 1:43 pm
Posts: 1357
about half

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 Post subject: Re: Redneck Criteria:
PostPosted: Thu May 25, 2006 2:11 am 
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Joined: Mon Nov 10, 2003 11:09 pm
Posts: 11604
Location: Houston, Texas
A hail storm hits your house and you have to take it in for an estimate...

Nick


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 Post subject: Re: Redneck Criteria:
PostPosted: Thu May 25, 2006 9:56 am 
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Posts: 12231
Location: Panhandle
phideaux_2003 wrote:
A hail storm hits your house and you have to take it in for an estimate...

Nick


:lol: :lol:

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 Post subject: Re: All "You might be a redneck" jokes here...
PostPosted: Thu May 25, 2006 1:43 pm 
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You might be a Redneck if:

1. Your front porch collapses and kills 3 of your favorite coon hounds.

2. You've ever taken a beer to a job interview.

3. Your home is mobile, but your truck isn't.

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Please post For Sale items in the proper Classified section.

Semi-Auto Classifieds is ONLY for Complete Semi-Auto shotguns.
Over/Under Classifieds is ONLY for Complete O/U shotguns.
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 Post subject: Re: All "You might be a redneck" jokes here...
PostPosted: Thu May 25, 2006 4:52 pm 
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Joined: Mon Aug 16, 2004 9:26 pm
Posts: 8311
Location: Asheboro, N.C.
You might be a redneck if, you ever break wind in public an blame it on the kids or the dog.

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Skeet aren't hard to hit, just easy to miss....!!


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 Post subject: Re: All "You might be a redneck" jokes here...
PostPosted: Thu May 25, 2006 6:20 pm 
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Location: Richmond, VA
Read my signature.

(I've changed my signature since I posted this.)

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My pen name is Irish, pronounced SHAY-mus oh-KOSH-eh-deh.


Last edited by Seamus O'Caiside on Tue Jul 18, 2006 1:12 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject: Re: All "You might be a redneck" jokes here...
PostPosted: Thu May 25, 2006 6:38 pm 
Field Grade

Joined: Tue Feb 07, 2006 9:11 pm
Posts: 49
Tray and beat this. You might be a redneck if:

You don't find these jokes funny.

More than three of your relatives have died with their final words being "Hey y'all watch this."

If you consider mututal funds as everybody having a good time.

If you have a front porch bigger than your entire home.

If you need a ladder to get into your truck.

If the brandname of your lawn ornament is Ford, Chevy or Dodge.

If you have to wreck your truck to get the vehicle insurance to make the truck payment.

If you prefer to walk the excess length off your jeans.

And the topper...

You might be a redneck if, you have all these jokes on the list and you're making checkmarks on the ones that apply to you...and then show it off afterwards.

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 Post subject: Re: All "You might be a redneck" jokes here...
PostPosted: Thu May 25, 2006 7:03 pm 
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Joined: Tue Nov 18, 2003 9:12 pm
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Location: "Oh Lord, stuck in Lodi again."
Image

Image

Redneck Yacht...
Image

Redneck Bassboat...
Image

Image

Redneck lottery winner...
Image

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A Sailor's Creed - "If you can't tie good knots, tie lots of 'em.”

~~~_/) _/) ~~~


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 Post subject: Re: All "You might be a redneck" jokes here...
PostPosted: Fri Jun 02, 2006 6:30 am 
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Location: "Oh Lord, stuck in Lodi again."
You might be a redneck if...

You can light a cigarette while handcuffed.

You let your 13 year old daughter smoke at the dinner table....................in front of her children!

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A Sailor's Creed - "If you can't tie good knots, tie lots of 'em.”

~~~_/) _/) ~~~


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 Post subject: re: All "You might be a redneck" jokes here...
PostPosted: Fri Sep 01, 2006 11:30 am 
Utility Grade

Joined: Sat Jun 17, 2006 11:40 pm
Posts: 12
You might be a Redneck if you mow your lawn and you find your truck...

:wink:


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 Post subject: re: All "You might be a redneck" jokes here...
PostPosted: Tue Oct 17, 2006 8:01 pm 
Presentation Grade

Joined: Sat Aug 12, 2006 9:47 am
Posts: 530
You might be a redneck if you go to family reunions to find a date.


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 Post subject: re: All "You might be a redneck" jokes here...
PostPosted: Fri Mar 09, 2007 11:36 pm 
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Joined: Fri Dec 10, 2004 8:38 pm
Posts: 797
you might be a redneck if your uncle bill's last words were, "Here hold my beer and watch this."

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 Post subject: re: All "You might be a redneck" jokes here...
PostPosted: Fri Mar 09, 2007 11:36 pm 
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Joined: Fri Dec 10, 2004 8:38 pm
Posts: 797
I'm gonna miss that man. :cry: :oops:

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 Post subject: re: All "You might be a redneck" jokes here...
PostPosted: Wed Jun 20, 2007 10:36 pm 
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Location: Huntington Beach, CA
If you ever had to haul a bucket of paint up the water tower to defend your sister’s honor,

You might be a redneck!!!
:D


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 Post subject: re: All "You might be a redneck" jokes here...
PostPosted: Fri Aug 10, 2007 6:19 am 
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Location: Pittsburgh
Now this is something that a redneck would definately do . . .

http://www.myfoxhouston.com/myfox/pages ... geId=3.2.1

Quote:
HOUSTON -- Scott Dawson, a civil engineering graduate from the University of Houston, decided after three years of driving around Houston without air conditioning in his car was long enough. So instead of spending $1,200 to fix the air conditioning on a car he planned on getting rid of soon, he bolted a home window A/C unit to the roof and wired it to the car. Click on the photo gallery link below for more photos.



If only it were held in with duct tape!!! :lol:

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 Post subject: re: All "You might be a redneck" jokes here...
PostPosted: Fri Aug 10, 2007 6:43 am 
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Joined: Tue Mar 07, 2006 10:13 pm
Posts: 2707
Location: Boone, NC
Actually, that's not a totally unreasonable idea if you were going to junk the car anyway. I wonder how he adjusts the thermostat.

BT

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 Post subject: re: All "You might be a redneck" jokes here...
PostPosted: Wed Aug 15, 2007 8:43 am 
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Joined: Tue Dec 16, 2003 3:17 pm
Posts: 420
You know your a redneck if you make this post....

Quote:
Actually, that's not a totally unreasonable idea if you were going to junk the car anyway. I wonder how he adjusts the thermostat.


Just kidding :lol: :lol:



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