First: Recoil of a .410 in a handgun is about like the recoil from a .44 magnum, with stock loadings. Considerably snappier than a .45 LC or .45 ACP, but not as bad as a .454 Casull.
I've shot them all. My .410 shot gun is a "snake charmer", which has such a short stock that I hold it like a handgun; it has a thumbhole stock that I use like a pistol grip, with my second hand on the forearm right in front of the trigger.
Why? Look at the amount of energy a .410 throws forward: Typically about 700 ft-lbs. About the same as typical factory ammo, much more than typical .45 LC or .45 ACP factory loadings (which hover from 250 ft-lbs for Cowboy loads to 450 ft-lbs), but much less than typical .454 Casull at over 1000 ft-lbs (and going up to insane values, like 1600 ft-lbs for some Corbon or Hornady or Buffalo Bore ammo). To make this into a fair comparison, you have to shoot the .410 shotshell in a gun that weighs about as much as a typical handgun. My snake charmer qualifies there (about 2 lbs or so). Clearly, if you are shooting the .410 shell from a shotgun that weighs 7 or 8 lbs (like a big 12-gauge tactical shotgun with all manner of accessories), much of the recoil will be soaked up by the weight of the gun.
Second: I specifically bought the snake charmer .410 shotgun as a defense weapon against snakes, and similar varmint issues (like a big rat or such). I've now decided that this is the wrong weapon for this kind of use, because (a) the .410 shotgun is already too powerful, loud and dangerous for use in close quarters, and (b) the snake charmer is a cheaply made, unreliable and not very durable gun. I now have two handguns (one each in caliber .22 LR and .45 ACP), and I would always use shotshells in a handgun for snake / rat defense instead. Just this weekend I tested .45 ACP shotshells in my H&K USP, and they cycle the action perfectly, have a reasonable pattern size for close-quarter use (about 1' diameter pattern at 7 yards, much smaller than the shotgun, and more appropriate for rat / snake defense), and you are also left with a versatile high-quality gun. Shooting shotshells in the .22 revolver also works, but supposedly they don't cycle .22 semi-autos (never tried this myself), and the amount of lead thrown out the front is so minuscule, you have to be within a few feet of the target to have any chance of "making an impact". After 7 yards, the pellets from a .22 shotshell don't even go through the thin cardboard that paper targets are made of!
If someone wanted a snake / rat weapon, based on my experience, I would recommend that they start shooting a revolver or a semi-auto pistols, in calibers .357/.38, 9mm, .45 or larger, and then buy the one they are most comfortable with, and then outfit themselves with shotshells for that gun. If the choice is a semi-auto, try to verify before buying it that it will cycle with shotshells.
If you look at the CCI website, you'll find that shotshells are available in most common handgun calibers (at least in .357/.38, 9mm, .45 ACP, .45 LC, and .44 magnum/special).