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This is what visitors to Australia need to know to fit in with the locals.....

1. The bigger the hat, the smaller the farm.

2. The shorter the nickname, the more they like you.

3. Whether it's the opening of Parliament, or the launch of a new art gallery, there is no Australian event that cannot be improved by a sausage sizzle.

4. There is no food that cannot be improved by the application of tomato sauce.

5. It's not summer until the steering wheel is too hot to hold.

6. A thong is not a piece of scanty swimwear, as in America, but a fine example of footwear. A group of sheilas wearing black rubber thongs may not be as exciting as you had hoped.

7. If it can't be fixed with pantyhose, bailing twine and fencing wire, it's not worth fixing.

8. The most popular and widely praised family in any street is the one that just happens to have the swimming pool.

9. It's considered better to be down on your luck than up yourself.

10. The phrase "we've got a great lifestyle" means everyone in the family drinks too much.

11. The poisoning of 'Phar Lap' remains the purest example of what happens when Australians attempt to take on the outside world.

12. If invited to a party, you should take cheap red wine, but then spend all night drinking the host's beer. Don't worry, he'll have catered for it.

13. The phrase "a simple picnic" is not known. Or at least not acted upon. You should take everything. If you don't need to make three trips back to the car, you are not trying.

14. Out in the bush, the tarred road always ends just after the house of the local mayor.

15. On picnics, the Esky is always too small, creating a food versus grog battle that can only ever be resolved by leaving the salad at home.

16. When on a country holiday, the motel neon sign advertising the pool will always be slightly larger than the actual pool itself.

17. The men are tough, but the women are tougher.

18. There comes a time in every Australian's life
when one realises that the Aeroguard is far, far worse than the flies.

19. And, finally, don't let the tourist books fool you. No-one says "cobber".
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